Moving on

Hello all! I guess it would be safe to assume that it has been busy around here. Not in a bad way. Nuh uh....just your crazy, average mom stuff with some weirdness thrown in the middle.
To recap things since last month (did I ever mention that I SUCK when it comes to updating??? I guess the biggest news is that my mom decided that we are going to sell the house. It is getting too much for her to handle as far as repairs go and it seems that extraordinary efforts are needed every time something goes wrong or breaks. And so, we both think it is for the best....it is time to move on. I have gotten strong and independent enough to take care of my family and really want to try my wings out. They have been clipped for far to long, and it is hard to keep a good girl down for too long.

For the last month I was hunting for apartments, reasonable mind you, reasonable for my budget anyway which is a bit shy of pathetic. I shouldn't complain though, there are folks out there who make nothing, at least I have a steady income. I should mention that places where I live aren't really cheap...even for a 2 bedroom. Depending on the location, be prepared to spend at least $800 to $1200 for 2 bedrooms, usually sans any utilities. After much scouring, I did hit paydirt and found one for $800 with heat included, I was lucky enough to be chosen to be the next resident of that apartment. I guess he liked me, he did know my grandfather...then again, so did everyone in a 3 town radius. He was sort of an icon, a very kind hearted mechanic who seemed to be everywhere. Anyhoo, I mentioned more of my lineage (I live in a small town, am surrounded by small towns...it isn't unusual to come across someone that is either related to you in some strange distant way or is a friend of a friend who winds up being your second cousin's boyfriend) and my prospective landlord seemed at ease with me. Apparently he was being picky this time as far as his next tennants. His last tennants stiffed him out of some serious repairs, even did some damage to the staircase with a chain saw (don't even ask me how someone manages to destroy an indoor fixture with something that is primarily used in the outdoors). I told him he need not worry about me, my partying and chain saw wielding days are done and over with. The deal was then sealed with a check, now all I have to do is pack and haul my belongings over there over the next two weeks. Sounds like it is going to be hellacious, I am truly grateful for my family as they all have volunteered their precious time to help me out. Despite all of this, I really am happy and excited. I haven't had a space of my own in a very long time and I am looking forward to it. My kids are looking forward to it. A place of our own...nice.


Moving on, the next wonderful piece of info I need to share was that my daughter had her prom this past weekend. I probably was just as excited as she was, I had a ball when we went to the mall and picked out her dress (of course my sis went with me, she has been waiting for that moment since the day my girl was born), a lovely sleek black dress with a pleated bottom. I even went with her when she got her hair done, again along with sis and took several pics there (much to my daughter's emberrassement LOL) and several more when she finally had the whole look put together. The picture was complete when her boyfriend picked her up. He looked like such a gentleman in his tux. I took another million pics before I announced that I had enough and let them go on their way. (The pic is of Kel and her boyfriend Matt)

As they waved to me, I kind of choked up. My little girl isn't so little anymore, she is nearly 17....another year of high school left and off to college she goes. My little girl is taking her driver's test at the end of this month....my baby that I once put diapers on, my little girl that I once had to protect from the world because she was just so small and innocent. I know I can't protect her from everything, she wants to explore everything, just like she did when she learned to crawl and discovered fuzz balls and little odds and ends and had to touch and pick everything up. Except now it is on a much larger, more dangerous level. There is just so much out there, too much in my opinion. It is hard enough for seasoned adults to process all that goes on in the world much less young fledgelings like my daugther. I just have to hope that she makes the right decisions and grows from any mistakes that she makes.

As far as me goes, I am doing very well. I am back in pulmonary rehab and I have to say, it is one rigorous program. I am more wiped from that than I am going to the gym and doing my regular routine. My program consists of a hour of various exercises with my O2 levels monitored periodically. I am nowhere like I was when I did rehab last time. I was pathetic...I could barely muster 10 minutes of extremely slow walking without dessating into the 70's. It got to the point when I became a one on one patient, she would only schedule me in a certain block because she had to be with me at all times with continuous monitoring on the cardiac and respiratory front. After my last session, Anne talked about this, how very fragile she remembered me to be. She confessed that I was probably her scariest client and that one particular incident nearly made her call for support. I remembered what day she was talking about immediately. To recap a little, I was walking on the treadmill with my O2 at 6L when all of a sudden I was gasping violently for air to no avail, I felt like I was sucking air through serran wrap. I thought I was dying. I immediately stopped walking and looked at my hands. They were smurf blue and my heart felt funny as well. Anne saw me, grabbed her oximeter and helped me to a chair. My O2 sats were 68 and my heart rate was an alarming 40. My blood pressure was very very low as well. Needless to say, she flew into action and put me on 100% O2, once I was stable, I was escorted to the ER. She did this with extreme calmness and poise which was a comfort for me. Had she reacted in the way she actually felt, I think it would have made things much worse. I was a mess. A few weeks later I was admitted to the hospital and finally placed on a vent to live with lung functions in the low teens. Things really were that bad.

Anyhow, these days are filled with much better stats during my sessions. Anne no longer feels trepidation when pushing me to go further. I have to say that landing on the vent was probably the best thing for me. It has allowed me to push this hard, to test myself in ways I never imagined prior to being trached. I guess you could say it is my safety net right now, as I get stronger, I will be using it less and less until hopefully, I am sans vent and just on BiPAP. Oh what a day that will be, I will have to think of a cool way to celebrate that event when it happens.

Okay folks....time to close. Until next time my friends, Jenn :)