Just. so. tired.....

I am not usually the whiny type, but today I feel like sitting in a corner and having an all out temper tantrum tantamount to a two year old's out of sheer frustration. It is spring, the weather is finally beautiful and I do want to go out and play so to speak, but where am I??? Yes, still in my bed, tired....bone tired. I am still in my PJ's and it is 11 a.m. I don't even want to crawl out of my bed for a cup of my favorite yogurt. Not good when the thought of a yummy treat doesn't lure me out. So, why am I feeling this way? Who the hell knows....could it be infection? Allergies? Anything pretty much is suspect at this point.

Activities that normally aren't too exhausting, are wiping me out. Yesterday I went to the laundromat to do my weekly laundry. Okay, I admit that this chore isn't on the top of my most fun things to do, but it is a necessary evil if I don't want to sit around in old, sweaty socks, shirts and pants. I did contemplate just putting this off for another day but quickly realized that I didn't have a single stitch of clothing clean with the exception of a single pair of fluffy pink PJ pants and a holy white T-shirt....not a combo I would wear out in public! And so, I gathered my dirty clothes, sorted them and had my son tromp up and down the stairs with 3 very large baskets and then out to the car. By this time, I am soaked with perspiration and already quite fatigued but yet I still press on. I drag my son with me, admittedly he isn't much help in the folding department (he won't touch dainties of another person, especially his mom's! LOL) but he is strong and today I needed his muscles if mine weren't going to cooperate. What would have taken me several minutes, my son had the car loaded in what seemed a blink of the eye...oh to be a teenager again with boundless energy and speed! I follow him down the stairs, carrying my unwieldy oxygen tank, cranking it up a little knowing that I will be breathless by the time I get to the car.

The ride to the landromat was a quiet one and a short reprieve from what was to come. Pat didn't even have to beg too hard to drive, usually I put up some sort of fight because he is a very new 16 year old driver, but today, I just did not care. All I wanted to do was to get there and get this over with so I could rest again. I prayed that the laundromat was not full and to my amazement, it wasn't. There was another soul towing a single cart full of wet clothing to the dryer area and that was it....all of the washers were mine! In record time, my son and I had the necessary washers whirring and I plopped down on the nearest bench, again dripping with sweat, my heart racing. I don't even want to know what my O2 sats are doing, but they can't be too great. I have 30 minutes to get my act together until the next round....drying. I just want to nap, but a hard, wooden bench is no place for comfort and so I just sit and read some outdated issues of People magazine and attempt to do some Soduko puzzles but my concentration was just not there.

The machines buzz, signalling the end of the washing cycle and now I must unload all of the heavy, wet laundry and cart them to hopefully functioning dryers. I say hopefully because it isn't unusual for half of the available dryers to be malfunctioning in some way. Some of them only become lukewarm, some don't even produce any heat. The unfortunate user of that dryer has well tumbled clothing that is still soaking wet after plunking in over a dollar in quarters. Luckily, I know which dryers are the hottest and I make a bee line for them to ensure piping hot, well dried clothing. Unfortunately the repetitive motions of bending and lifting of wet clothes leaves me yet again, nearly gasping. A kind gentlemen asks if I am okay, I nod yes, still unable to speak and when I finally am, I reassure him that this is normal for me. He seems to accept this, but I sense that he is still looking out for me. At this point, I am feeling quite self conscious, I just wanted to pack up and go home, but I can't. I must push through and finish. I start the dryers, set them for 30 minutes and pray that they will be properly dried.

This time, I did manage to doze off. I was awakened by silence....the driers normally are very noisy, in need of some serious mechanical intervention to halt the grinding of each rotation. I fell asleep to this grinding lullaby, when it stopped, it was as if an alarm clock sounded and I was instantly awake, feeling somewhat better after a short snooze. I busy myself, folding the huge mountain of clothing. I summon my son to help, at least he could fold his clothing and he did without balking. I began to pick up speed, the end was in sight....just like a runner reaching that last mile, a sudden burst of adrenaline trickled into my bloodstream. It gave me the necessary boost to simply finish folding 7 loads of laundry, to me, doing this felt like I was doing something extraordinary, like I was indeed finishing a marathon. And just like a runner who just ran through the tape, I am spent and exhausted in the end.

My son loads the car again and we are off to home....I could not wait. Pulling into my driveway was all I could think of at the time and when we arrive, I huff and puff my way up the stairs and just plop onto my bed, not even bothering to change into my comfy clothes. I hook up to my vent and off to sleep I go....at only 6pm. Hunger wakes me at 9pm, my son, bless his soul, cooked a frozen pizza for dinner and I munched on a few slices. I crawl back into bed, hoping that today would be better, but it isn't.....I pray that my exhaustion isn't due to infection. Allergies I can handle and don't require a hospitalization....infections do. But for now, I will listen to my body and simply rest....I apparently need it. The dishes can wait, as can the vacuuming. The dust bunnies will still be there....that is certain. I just need to take care of me right now.

Until later,

Hugs :)