Independence

I haven't been able to drive for nearly 5 years now due to my muscular dystrophy, apparently my reflexes are a bit too slow for the doctor's or my comfort. So, five years ago, I had to give it up...I was upset, angry and understandably so....I live in a rural area, the population of my town is something like 1000 and that is probably pushing it. Needless to say, there is no public transportation to rely on if you have no access to a car unless you count the loop bus that will transport you to the mall (35+ miles away). As good as that sounds, they are not handicap equipped which is a necessity for me.

I have a beast of a wheelchair, it has better hydraulics than a car....I bet it could go off roading LOL. It was made when I was heavy, very heavy at nearly 240 lbs. It is wide and bulky, these days I look like Alice in Wonderland sitting in it...the chair is simply too big for me. I am about 100 lbs less now, so there is ample room on both sides of me, I can actually tuck packages galore beside me whenever I shop which is one advantage to the extra cargo space. But, being that it is a huge chair, it is difficult to accommodate it. My mother bought a used transport van around the time I came home from vent training boot camp (rehab), it was, to put it mildly, enormous. I swear that thing could hold an entire soccer team and then some including myself in my chair! I honestly don't know how she drove it, but she managed to. It was the perfect vehicle to take whenever we went to the mall as we could stuff many packages and bags in there and still have room for our entire family and even some friends. It served its purpose well...it got me to where I needed to go and reliably. Unfortunately, I was not able to drive it...I missed that bit of independence where I could just hop in a car and go anywhere I want without asking someone or having to plan my outing well in advance according to the driver's schedule.

I just purchased a van that is handicap modified and the best part is, it is set up with hand controls! Which means this...I CAN DRIVE IT!! My uncle (who is a mechanic) gave it a thorough inspection and found it to be a good buy: there was absolutely no rust (even though it is nearly 10 years old...they guy who had it before me garaged it, sparing the van from being exposed to harsh New England weather), the engine was whistle clean and everything worked perfectly. He brought it back to our house yesterday, I will play with it today. I am actually kind of nervous after being a passenger for so long. I am going to play it safe and take it to a large parking lot to practice the hand controls, they are quite sensitive. I am also not used to driving a van, the largest car that I ever owned was a Ford station wagon. Mirrors were always a difficult skill for me due to a problematic eye issue. It was determined years ago that I lack the ability to converge, judging distances is difficult for me. This means parking was sometimes a night mare for me, I did not use mirrors, I stuck my head outside of the window to actually park or back up. It was easier that way...mirrors distorted my already altered perception of distance.

I will get it though....after some practice, I should get the hang of it. I was petrified initially when I first got my wheelchair. I had a hard time judging distances even with that thing...I live in a small house with barely enough space between the doors to move my chair about. There are still dings and markings on the walls where I over compensated and whacked them along with furniture as well. Thankfully, I was never injured. But, after time, I got to be a pro. I can now squeeze into the minimum of space needed for my chair, without wrecking the room too! I can even back it up without bowling anyone over, much to my relief (and others!). Given how far I have come in my skills to adapt, I will do fine with the van too. I just need to be patient, most importantly, safe.

So...if any of you are in rural NY today and happen to see a forest green van moving about erratically in a parking lot, it will be me. You may hear some cursing, perhaps some beating on the steering wheel out of frustration, but I will be okay. I will be one step closer to what to me would be the Holy Grail....Independence. I will no longer have to wait for someone to take my kids to their appointments or school functions. I will be able to go to the grocery store...alone, if I happen to have a sudden craving for Java chip ice cream.

I can't wait!

I will update you as to how my first driving session went.
Until then, hugs and peace, Jenn :)